Perfect Roast Beef

First, tempt a boy cow into your garden. It has to be a boy. Girl cows taste milky.

It’s probably best to put on some false eyelashes and MOO softly.  Boy cows like that.

Feed it grass. Please note: if you only have a back yard, a punnet of cress makes a useful alternative. While it’s ruminating, crack it over the head with a big hammer. It’ll drop like a stone.

Now’s the best time to cut a big chunk from its arse. Apply Savlon Wound Wash and a big plaster.  When it comes to, point to a strategically placed vodka bottle and roll your eyes. (See Gromit for eye-rolling techniques) It’ll slink off thinking it had a good night.

Put the arse in the oven. Take it out when it’s cooked.

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About andromedababe

Schoolteacher,shoe lover,garden geek.Likes glitter.Any views on educational practice are my own and are not to be taken as endorsement of any specific educational theories or schemes of work.Note: this is my personal blog - not all my posts relate to education.
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