You’ve All Done Very Well



 The school year is lurching to a close. There’ll be Sports Days to police (sometimes literally), Leavers’ Assemblies to sob through and reports to write. Thanks to successive government policies of EMPHASISING THE POSITIVE, teachers have become experts at euphemism. I thought I’d share a few of my favourite bits of report-speak to help you decode your child’s school report and possibly save yourself the fiver you were going to hand over.

  • Galileo is a sensitive child who is easily upset by change.      Galileo is a big soft lump
  • Beowulf demands a lot of adult attention.      Beowulf is naughty and disruptive and  needs a slapped leg.


  • Evadne sometimes finds it hard to remember to share.      Evadne is so spoiled she wouldn’t share spit.
  • Xavier doesn’t always consider other children’s feelings.      Xavier thumps other children.
  • Ariadne isn’t always caring towards other children.      See Xavier.
  • Ludovic needs to remember to listen.      Ludovic is the class gobshite.
  • Gretchen is a lively, chatty child.      Please God, just let Gretchen stop talking for 5 minutes.
  • Colin and Colinna have difficulty accepting established boundaries.      If ever 2 kids were destined for jail it’s Colin and Colinna.


  • Clarabelle is a quiet, polite little girl.      To be honest, I never have time to speak to Clarabelle, what with having Xavier in the class, but she seems nice enough.


  • Charlemagne has been a pleasure to teach.       Charlemagne’s parents have never complained about me and he’s tipped me the wink that I’m getting a decent thank-you present.

  There. Hope that helps.


About andromedababe

Schoolteacher,shoe lover,garden geek.Likes glitter.Any views on educational practice are my own and are not to be taken as endorsement of any specific educational theories or schemes of work.Note: this is my personal blog - not all my posts relate to education.
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3 Responses to You’ve All Done Very Well

  1. gillian says:

    So THAT’S what they all mean. We get a lot of that last one. Being pleasant brings its own rewards.

  2. Andrew says:

    I prefer the direct approach and tell them how it is; no middle-class sensibilities from this teacher! 🙂

  3. Andrew says:

    Here’s a link I just found for train tickets for travel at the time of the Olympics; they are actually discounted rather than increased so you should be able to see a Prom concert even more cheaply than usual. Result!

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