You’ve All Done Very Well

 

                       

 The school year is lurching to a close. There’ll be Sports Days to police (sometimes literally), Leavers’ Assemblies to sob through and reports to write. Thanks to successive government policies of EMPHASISING THE POSITIVE, teachers have become experts at euphemism. I thought I’d share a few of my favourite bits of report-speak to help you decode your child’s school report and possibly save yourself the fiver you were going to hand over.

 

 

  • Galileo is a sensitive child who is easily upset by change.      Galileo is a big soft lump

 

  • Beowulf demands a lot of adult attention.      Beowulf is naughty and disruptive and  needs a slapped leg.

 

  • Evadne sometimes finds it hard to remember to share.      Evadne is so spoiled she wouldn’t share spit.

 

  • Xavier doesn’t always consider other children’s feelings.      Xavier thumps other children.

 

  • Ariadne isn’t always caring towards other children.      See Xavier.

 

  • Ludovic needs to remember to listen.      Ludovic is the class gobshite.

 

  • Gretchen is a lively, chatty child.      Please God, just let Gretchen shut her gob for 5 minutes.

 

  • Colin and Colinna have difficulty accepting established boundaries.      If ever 2 kids were destined for jail it’s Colin and Colinna.

 

  • Clarabelle is a quiet, polite little girl.      To be honest, I never have time to speak to Clarabelle, what with having Xavier in the class, but she seems nice enough.

 

  • Charlemagne has been a pleasure to teach.       Charlemagne’s parents have never complained about me and he’s tipped me the wink that I’m getting a decent thank-you present.

  There. Hope that helps.

 

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About andromedababe

Schoolteacher,shoe lover,garden geek.Likes glitter.Any views on educational practice are my own and are not to be taken as endorsement of any specific educational theories or schemes of work.Note: this is my personal blog - not all my posts relate to education.
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3 Responses to You’ve All Done Very Well

  1. gillian says:

    So THAT’S what they all mean. We get a lot of that last one. Being pleasant brings its own rewards.

  2. Andrew says:

    I prefer the direct approach and tell them how it is; no middle-class sensibilities from this teacher! :)

  3. Andrew says:

    Here’s a link I just found for train tickets for travel at the time of the Olympics; they are actually discounted rather than increased so you should be able to see a Prom concert even more cheaply than usual. Result! http://www.nationalrailgamestravel.co.uk/

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